Life in Many Voices is the story of two people on a tumultuous journey, pushing them to examine their choices and discover what they most love. It is a journey of chaos and inexplicable events, where the interventions of an angel and a demon help to reshape their understanding of themselves and their world.
In The Next Step, the fourth book in The Life in Many Voices series, Brian and Heather leave their homes, jobs, and families behind, confident that their new path will free them from the struggles that have plagued their lives. Against all odds, they've chosen to be together and are certain that their next steps can lead them into something better. But the spiritual path doesn't bend to wishes, and the path to healing doesn't rest on dreams. Brian and Heather thought their next steps would put their struggles into the past, but the past was exactly what they needed to explore. A spiritual journey holds no guarantee of reward, but there is the unshakable promise of a next step.
In The Next Step, Brian and Heather face choices that come to all of us, sooner or later. And in taking their next steps, they bring healing to their fractured souls. The Next Step is the story of spiritual awakening and faith, of the costs and the gifts that come in the visits of angels and demons.
“Nationality?”
“Canadian,” Brian answered.
Heidi remained silent, the lines around her eyes betraying the tension she tried to conceal. The border guard lowered his head and used his eyes to demand an answer.
“Canadian,” came Heidi’s reply. She faced the guard and twisted her face into the perfect blend of obedience and respect.
There was a lot at stake in the game the two were playing. They’d walked away from their lives and started their drive across the continent. For reasons they didn’t understand, beginning their journey by going south seemed important.
“We might have some trouble at the border,” Heidi had quietly confessed when they were just a few miles from the Canada/USA border. “Many years ago, when we were living in Nova Scotia, I got caught crossing the border with drugs. I don’t think anything came of it—at least I never heard anything more—but I don’t know what they have on their records.”
Brian nodded and flashed a conciliatory smile. He could expect no less from Heidi. Regardless of her past indiscretions, getting Heidi across the border without identification was already a potential barrier. A couple of weeks earlier, the Jeep window had been smashed and Heidi’s purse had been stolen. Without identification, the possibility of them getting into the States was already a matter of good fortune. A past drug infraction wasn’t going to make much difference. They had to encourage luck to join in their game, and for Brian and Heidi, it meant keeping their faces, words, and tone appropriately bland.
With a dismissive grunt, the guard turned his attention back to Brian. “Where are you headed?”
“We’re moving to British Columbia and thought we’d go south in case the weather was bad on the prairies.”
Brian watched as the guard scanned the back of the Jeep, the windows blocked by suitcases and boxes. It was closing in on six, and border traffic was light. Brian hoped the guard might be a bit hungry and send them quickly on their way.
Sometimes wishes become real, and with a disinterested wave of his hand, the guard sent them on. “Away you go,” he muttered, reaching beneath the counter. Perhaps he was looking for a snack.
Seventeen years before 9/11, there were moments when the border between Canada and the United States was little more than a line on a map.
“I think I’m gonna let Sarah come out,” Heidi said nonchalantly.
Relief and concern washed over Brian. They’d be stopping for the night soon, and it was good news to know that he wouldn’t have to meet Heidi under the sheets. Brian didn’t understand why he was so averse to being sexual with Heidi, especially since all the personalities within Heather shared the same body. But when it came to being intimate with Heidi, Brian was numb.
The prospect of spending the night with Sarah was another matter altogether. The erotic possibilities that flowed between Brian and Sarah were charged and vigorous, and if Sarah met him under the sheets, there’d be no reluctance or hesitation. A romp with Sarah was infinitely preferable to any physical connection with Heidi.
But as much as Heidi’s retreat to the internal world was a relief, it was also a concern. Earlier that day, she’d suffered a concussion, and the popular belief of the time was that people shouldn’t sleep after such a major blow to the head. All the time they’d been on the road, Brian had diligently engaged Heidi in conversation. He did everything possible to keep her from falling asleep. Now that she was planning on leaving, he wasn’t sure if it was safe for her to rest. In a person with multiple personalities, how does a change in personality affect the impact of a concussion?
“Do you feel well enough to leave? How’s the headache and the nausea?” “
The nausea’s pretty well gone, but there’s been little improvement with the headache. I think we’ll all be living with a sore head for a few days.”
Heidi turned to Brian, shrugged, and offered her familiar smile of resignation. They both understood her reason for leaving. It wasn’t the headache. It was their mutual need to avoid sex.
Heidi turned aside, her eyes clouded with shame. She didn’t understand her reluctance to be sexual. Her lack of desire was as confusing for Heidi as Brian’s inertia was for him. With every other man, Heidi was the personality most likely to rush into bed. Her sexual proclivity wasn’t so much a measure of lust as it was a measure of who she knew herself to be. Before Brian asked to become their partner, Heidi found it impossible to separate her identity from her sexual appetite. Her need to be forceful and possessive in sexuality was as fundamental to her sense of self as her indomitable energy and warrior spirit. The lack of sexual desire she experienced with Brian was as foreign to Heidi as was a retreat from battle.
Heidi massaged her scalp and soothed the ache in her heart. Her sexual apathy opened pathways she didn’t know how to follow. Who was she if she wasn’t a sexual powerhouse? Heidi stared vacantly at the road and weighed Brian’s concern. Was she okay to leave or not? Earlier that morning, she’d been delivering the last of the furniture she’d sold in preparation for the move across the country. But a sudden stop on the highway sent the metal bed frame into the back of her skull. She’d stumbled out of the Jeep dazed and confused, vomiting on the side of the highway.
It was but one more of a long list of irritations and disasters that plagued their move to British Columbia, but it wasn’t enough to end Heidi’s resolve. She’d climbed back into the Jeep and delivered the bedframe as promised. When her apartment was finally emptied and clean, she drove to Brian and threw him the keys. It was as rare for Heidi to give up control of the Jeep as it was for her to give up on sex, but she was just too sick to drive any further.
In the quiet that followed Brian’s question, Heidi watched the sun drop below the horizon. They’d be stopping for a hotel room soon. She was worried about her head, but that concern didn’t hold a candle to the discomfort she felt when she thought of bedding Brian. There was no other option. Heidi needed to return to the inner world.
Without another word to Brian, she closed her eyes and gingerly leaned her head against the back of the seat. In mere seconds, she was deep into a blissful, internal descent.
From the driver’s seat, Brian watched the transition from Heidi to Sarah. A sudden movement in the eyelids indicated that the switch had been made. But even before the eyes opened, the woman in the passenger seat moaned and raised a hand to her head. “Oh, shit,” Sarah muttered. “This hurts.”
She turned to Brian and smiled weakly. No words were necessary. She knew why Heidi left and why she was there. Sarah knew what the night had to offer.
In the ensuing silence, the Jeep moved ever deeper into the dark.
